When I got the invitation for Luke Storey’s podcast, thanks to an introduction from Alisa Vitti, I knew I wanted to do it in person, if possible. His podcasts are deep dive conversations- often hours long, and I just knew that there would be more resonance and understanding if we were in a room together.
So I went to Austin, mistakenly thinking that it was a little town, to find a big city. I was late because it was a 35 minute Uber ride out of the city center to the podcast recording studio. I went straight from there to the airport.
Luke was genuinely interested in a woman’s perspective, genuinely moved by Call of the Wild, and actually wanted to learn more about the Fourth Trimester.
This podcast is 2 1/2 hours long.
At the hour and a half mark, when he said, “I should have you on another time,” I wish I would have said, “yes, I feel complete.” instead of continuing talking. At that moment, I felt like I might miss out on another opportunity, but the truth was that I was complete. It didn’t take a turn for the worse or anything, I was just cooked, and it probably was the point of diminishing returns.
One thing that was interesting was that Luke himself identified with the default responses of the parasympathetic side of the nervous system, and so fully understood the new to introduce and include activation, including in spiritual practice. Although I wrote the book for women, he was emphatic that it was relevant for his own path not just in relating to women.
Here’s what we talk about:
- Unpacking “Call of the Wild”
- How women recover from trauma differently from men
- The nervous system debunked
- Fawning vs fleeing and activating the inner-fighter
- Somatic Experiencing
- Self-censorship and self-advocacy
- The steps you take before forgiveness
- Finding community and working through gender fears
- Heart-centered masculinity
- Approaching Shadow Work
- Addiction to intensity and leaning into pleasure
- Why it’s OK to feel good (even if others are suffering)
- Looking for love and community
- Gay Hendricks
- Learning how “to be” without pushing and striving
- Influences on the Nervous System
- Collagen, elastin, and your nervous response
- Switching communication channels and moving away from default patterns
- Why a parasympathetic response is not always good for the nervous system
- Trusting our wildness and not being afraid of healthy aggression
- Attachment Styles and Healing Within Your Relationship
- The island (avoidant), the anchor (secure), and the wave (love addict)
- Power-based, hot sex
- Sympathetic and parasympathetic trajectory
- Moving toward “warm sex” and the arousal wave
Luke said: “This was one of my all-time favorite chats, and one that will provide much value for all listeners, old and new.”
Considering the caliber of his guests, I’m honored to be among the all-time favorites.
I hope you enjoy this conversation.
