EP21: Ellen Boeder on Motherhood, Feminism, and the Real Costs of Overvaluing Independence

What Ellen Shares:

  • Her exploration of feminism and motherhood
  • Her new understanding of career after motherhood
  • How the cultural standards of having to do it all, alone, sets mothers up for burnout
  • How burnout and health issues allowed her learn how to receive help and collaborate with community
  • Her desire to add motherhood, bodies, and intuition to the feminist conversation; plus giving women the permission and agency to do what’s right for them

What You’ll Hear:

  • How Ellen’s work shifted when she became a mother (2:30)
  • How her feminism has shifted with motherhood (4:24)
  • How motherhood has been seen as an oppressive institution (5:50)
  • Is feminism about everything other than motherhood? (6:20)
  • Feelings of disempowerment/invisibility after becoming a mother (7:53)
  • Who am I/what is my value in the world now that I’m a mother? (8:40)
  • The plan vs. the reality, after having a baby (9:53)
  • “I thought I would have a child and keep going in the same direction” (11:37)
  • Andrea O’Reilly’s books on feminism & motherhood (13:21)
  • Motherhood as an institution or mothering as a female experience (15:13)
  • The hormonal differences between men and women as it relates to work (17:18)
  • Burn-out and depletion in mothers (18:02)
  • Self-care as rebellion (23:05)
  • Prioritizing when you’re in a sprint (25:25)
  • Balancing desires & motherhood (30:52)
  • Self-worth & mothering (32:30)
  • Creating a home life where everyone feels nourished (34:00)
  • The hard work of mothering that goes unnoticed (34:48)
  • American values of individuation (36:43)
  • Over-valuing independence has a cost (38:45)
  • How much can I do in collaboration? (39:40)
  • The stress of being overly self-reliant (42:35)
  • Attachment styles and sex (44:17)
  • What’s missing from feminism now (46:40)
  • How do we give women the support to choose what’s right for them? (48:06)
  • Throwing out the word feminism (51:10)
  • Unrealistic expectations in postpartum & motherhood (54:00)
  • Being present for a child is an enormous gift (55:20)


Find her here: