I can’t separate sex work from soul work. For me the essence of each of us, our soul, reveals itself at the thresholds, the thresholds of birth, sex and death. Sometimes the death is a metaphorical one- a dark night of the soul, our personal version of Innana’s descent. Birth, those can be metaphorical too. Sex is the one of this trilogy that is the most available to us, the most tangible. In some ways, sex is the one that is most in our control. The one, that if tended to, can give us the most frequent insights, signposts, and revelations.
Most people are dissatisfied or mystified by sex because they too know this, but they don’t know how to get to these transformative zones. Instead they are trapped in conversations about how many times a week they are doing it, or if they have multiple orgasms, or how they do it and pretend to love it just so they don’t have to do it more. Or how they won’t ask for what they really want because then their partner will get the “wrong” idea and think it needs to lead to something, that they don’t want it to lead to.
They are trapped in porn echos even if they have never watched porn, thinking their body needs to look some way, imagining that their partner too thinks that or wants some position, some sound, some WAY that sex is supposed to be hot and sexy.
And before you know it is a performative circus, a showdown of false egos and false displays, addictive yet rarely satiating. It is a merry-go-round of “I thought YOU liked that.” Or “I hope HE likes that.” Or “I hope she thinks I’m good.” None of this has anything to do with connection. And by connection I don’t mean commitment.
By connection, I mean people present in their bodies, aware of where they are in time and space, engaging in something that feels real, digestible and interesting, if not erotic, in that moment.
And this is all-important, like SAVE THE PLANET important. Biodiversity is at stake. HUMAN biodiversity. If we slow down, we open ourselves to organic connection that is the antidote to depression, to isolation, to loneliness, to confusion. If we slow down, and we listen and then we courageously state that desire, we cross the wires of what is supposed to be “good” to be “acceptable,” we transgress. Ooooooh, I love that word transgression. We reject the narrow story that we are sold, and we live into the possibility of a totally unique life that our soul’s message dictates.
Drop all of the scripts you’ve learned- women want x, men want z. Bodies that look x are sexier. People who have x are this way. Drop into your power center. Bite into it, and express from there. You might find yourself making odd requests. Then good for you, you’ve crossed a threshold to originality that is the nexus for genuine connection that looks nothing like what you have been shown or what you might have imagined. Spontaneous expression. A form of enlightenment.
Become fluent in Sexspeak, and you also become fluent in Birthspeak and Deathspeak. You tap into the root source of who you are, and you become a trusted wise one. First, most importantly you trust yourself, the language of your own body. Deeply. You know her. You know her ebbs and flows. You understand that she wants and you want different flavors at different times. Then you become the grounded magnet that synchs up the rhythms of those who are around you. You become an oracle of that Truth. Your beloved body, your beloved sex becomes the oracle you’ve been waiting for and the world has been waiting for.
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